I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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