To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
