so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
