I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
