He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
