your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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