some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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