Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
