So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh god it's open bar.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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