Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
