I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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