I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When are your genitals available?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
