i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
