Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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