watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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