I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
