It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize