Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
