I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize