i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
