Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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