he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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