he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
