I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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