Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize