I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
