I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
