So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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