I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
