What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
