It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize