Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize