So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
