Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
