Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
