ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
