I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
