You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
