You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
