you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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