I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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