I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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