Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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