it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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