I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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