So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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