Little spoons don't ask big questions
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How does one acquire holy water?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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