I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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