just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
