watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
