What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
