Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
