All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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