if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
