It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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