I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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