One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
