I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
