too bad you live with your parents still
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
