Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I will be naked everywhere
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
