U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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