How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
