ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
