Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
