the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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