i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
